


Where the Sea Meets Monsters

by SarcasmFish (Alcyonidae)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Day At The Beach, Domestic Fluff, F/M, Fluff, Modern Era, Modern Girl in Thedas, Modern Thedas, Romantic Comedy, Romantic Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Walks On The Beach
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-01
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-28 13:27:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7642441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alcyonidae/pseuds/SarcasmFish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alistair suffers an assault of seagulls and sand as a result of a discovery during a walk along the beach.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sea Monster

Alistair glanced down at the hand clasped within his for the hundredth time that hour and beamed. The woman walking beside him brushed her thumb over his knuckles, leaning her shoulder against his arm. She drug her bare feet through the warm, fluffy grains of sand, occasionally directing their path closer to where the waves reached out to them, onto the sand packed flat by the water. Her pace would pick up and he swore she might have started skipping if not for the weight of his hand in her own. When the sand turned toasty and dry again her steps would return to their aimless, wayward stride.

She looked up at him to return his grin, an eyebrow lifting in a measure of amusement. The gesture made her delicate features playful and impish.

“What are you so foolishly giddy about?” There was a little tease in her voice. A spirited bit of taunting that made him want to grab her up and twirl her around in the air.

“What? Nothing!” he lied. A pitiful lie no one, least of all her, would believe. It was the big goofy grin that sang of his good-natured deceit. “Do I need a reason to grin at a beautiful woman?” He kept trying to relax the muscles in his face, to force them back into a neutral state, but they twitched right back up again. He would have attempted to use his fingers to pull the expression back into conformity, but that would have meant letting go of her hand. And that was not happening.

His other arm shifted the large bag full of their belongings over his shoulder a tad more comfortably. He was staring at her, as he too often did. The playful breeze in her hair, the hint of pink on the tops of her shoulders and nose where the sun had lingered too long, the way she would lean into his arm at times, baring her weight against him. When she stopped walking he nearly blundered on ahead.

She was staring at the ground in front of them at the almost foot deep hole in the sand he had about stumbled into. It was of no discernible shape and the sides had been almost washed out by the receding tide. Alistair glanced back to her face, trying to read her expression, to guess at why she was still focused on this harmless anomaly.

There was that glimmer in her eyes. One side of her lips had turned up into a smirk. It was a warning he knew too well, all too well. He clasped her hand a bit tighter and made to step over the hole and continue their walk along the beach.

“Alistair..” The second warning. Her voice had turned sweet and coy. She was looking up at him through her lashes, her weight shifted onto one foot. It made her look smaller. “Get in the hole, Alistair.”

“What?” He blinked at her, his voice a rather unmanly octave. “Look, if it’s about earlier, I just meant that a large milkshake is rather…” The innocent smile turned into a broad grin as she guided him to step down, taking the bag from him to set aside.

“Oh, Maker!” He wailed in his best stage voice. “What do you have planned for me nefarious girl?” He could have easily balked, rolled his eyes and kept walking, but he knew if she asked he would wade right out into the Amaranthine Ocean toward those lands that harbored no civilization. That didn’t mean he wouldn’t complain about it, though.

“Just lie back.” She dropped onto her knees beside him and laughed, a light, beautiful sound, almost a giggle that removed any last shred of resolve he may have ever held. He really would do anything to see her so happy. He complied, stretching out into the space with his arms and shoulders pillowed on the edge of the hole.

She began pushing the sand around him, scooping up and dumping large handfuls on top of his chest and stomach. His arms remained free, along with his shoulders, and his fingers tapped out a restless rhythm on the sand. Alistair was not one to sit still for long; being buried would test his limits of inactivity.

“What are you making me into?” he finally asked, trying to crane his head to see down the length of his quickly disappearing form.

“It’s a surprise.” She packed some of the sand down flat on his stomach, eliciting an “oof!” from him. “Now lie still or you’ll ruin my work!”

He busied himself with watching her, noticing the way she bit her lip as she thought, the way she tilted her head to get a better perspective on her art, the little smirk that threatened to unfurl her mysterious plans. He shifted a little, trying to bend his knee into a more comfortable position. Some of the sand built up around him crumbled like a sad, stale cake and she turned a sour glare on him. He held up his hands in apology and willed himself to settle down into the damp earth.

He was silent for several moments before he blurted out, “Can I guess?”

“No.” No room for argument. No glance up from her meticulous work.

Another bout of silence where his toes itched to wiggle and his fingers dug little furrows as far as he could reach. The sky remained devoid of puffy clouds he could imagine into shapes. It provided only weak nebulous streamers, like the sizzling beach sun had sapped them into sad remnants of their once billowy glory.

More tapping and then his tongue was flapping again.

“An octopus?” Another glare that muzzled him for a few more moments before his mouth continued. “A pirate? A turtle? Oh! An astronaut!”

She stopped to stare at him, the glare broken by amusement. “An astronaut? I’m flattered you think me so talented.” He flashed what he hoped was a winning smile at her.

She sat back on her heels and regarded her work, ignoring his blatant attempt at a come-hither, relaxing on the beach pose. “How do I look?”

“Stay there. I’ll be right back.” She pointed at him, eyes narrowed in enough of a threat to keep even his anxious muscles frozen under the warm sand. “Don’t move at all!”

He tried to crane his head to watch her scamper off over one of the low sand dunes, but a tiny crack across his chest stilled any further attempts. He leaned back into the pillow of sand beneath his head and watched the meager clouds meander over the sky above him. Luckily, the sun was well on its journey toward the horizon or she may have returned to his burnt remains.

How long had she been gone now?

A seagull landed to his right. From his vantage only inches off the sand the bird looked huge. It shuffled around him, using its long bill to prod the sand of secrets. Alistair was content to watch the creature go about its life until another of its kin landed beside it. Were they finding food in the sand? What did they eat anyway? If she left him here much longer was he to become food?

He reached out to try and shoo the animals away, but the newest one merely turned and squawked, a loud crying call that Alistair swore sounded like the thing was laughing at him. He jerked his hand back and winced as another tiny crack joined the first from his earlier movement. “Fine!” he scowled. “Just.. whatever you do refrain from pooping on me, please.”

The birds took flight as his love returned, two large flat shells clasped in each hand.

“Maker’s Breath, woman! I thought you’d left me for good!” She laughed again, that bright sound that filled his chest with flutters, and sat down beside him.

“Were those mean birdies bothering you?” she cooed.

“Bullies…” He put on his best pout, laying it on as thick as he could. “The lot of them.”

She placed the two seashells on his chest side by side, then dusted her hands off as she surveyed her final product, a pleased grin spreading over her lips.

“You didn’t.” He scowled at her. “Tell me you didn’t.”

She was trying to hold back, lips pressed into flat lines, breath caught in her chest, but as his childish scowl grew laughter burst through. She rolled onto her side in the sand, barely able to draw in breath. He kept the scowl, but it twitched and fought, threatening to join her in the mirth that had her eyes misting with riotous tears.

“A mermaid?” he moaned. She squeaked a sound that might have been a yes, hands clutched over her stomach. “Not even a merman?” That pout was back on his lips.

He started to move again and she sat up, a hand out to still him. “Wait!” She turned, digging through the bag of their belongings before pulling out her phone, a little charm dangling from its case.

His eyes widened, the cracks around his seashell bra spreading out farther. He pushed his arms down into the sand to lift himself, but she frowned, eyes batting at him as she clutched the phone to her chest. He had mastered the pout while she had mastered coy. If he thought it wouldn’t have offend her, he would have laughed. Hadn’t she yet learned that the big eyes and fluttering lashes weren’t necessary? All she needed to do was ask.

“Please, Alistair? I put so much work into it!” Her lower lip jutted out enough for one of the seagulls to land on.  
He sighed, playing his part of the put upon martyr with practiced ease. “Alright.” He settled back with a sigh that was just a touch too dramatic. “As long as it doesn’t end up on Facebook or Instagram or wherever you store your devious little blackmail.”

It would. He knew it would before he even said it. She would have it uploaded as soon as they were in cell range. He should feel humiliated, emasculated, but when he was honest with himself he rather liked it. Others might think him a fool, but he didn’t mind being her fool.

He tried to don a suffering air as she took a few pictures, including some selfies he couldn’t help but smile in. It was that silly smile she loved so much. The one that never failed to make her grab his arm and pull herself into him when they walked together. The one she would grin at and perch on her toes to kiss his jaw in reward for.  
She clicked the phone back asleep and slid it into her pocket. His fingers began to tap out a steady cadence again. He was free to move, but remained in place beneath the sand.

“You know, I would have been a rather good-looking astronaut… or even a fetching octopus.”

She stood at his feet, offering her hand to help him up. “I think you’re the most handsome mermaid I’ve ever laid eyes upon.” She was smiling at him again. She meant every word of it.

He ignored her offered hand, gazing up into the sky with wistful eyes instead. He was oddly quiet for a long moment.

“You’re mistaken.” His voice was soft, forcing her to lean in to hear it. She dropped her arm slowly, the smile falling, a puzzled expression replacing it.

That little moment of hesitation was all he needed. He stood in one enormous move, sand erupting around him like a shroud, his arms flung wide. “For I am a fearsome sand monster!” He lumbered towards her, sand cascading off of him in colossal chunks. She laughed, hands out to ward him and the cloud of sand away. He was covered from toes to chest in it. She attempted to stagger back, but he grabbed her against him, hefting her up off of her feet and over his shoulder. “Return with me back to my sand lair!”

“Alistair!” She squealed, kicking her legs and trying to squirm from his grip.

“Sand monster.” He corrected and continued his slow shamble towards the water.

“We’re going to miss dinner!” He stopped, calf deep in the ocean swells. With some reluctance he lowered her back onto her feet into the surf, but did not release her from the circle of his arms.

“Alright, pretty lady. You’ve soothed the savage sand monster.” He grinned down at her and pressed a sandy kiss against her lips before she could wiggle from his grip. “For now.”

 

* * *

 

This just had to be drawn.  So thanks to the so very sweet and talented [RimDraws](http://rimdraws.tumblr.com/) for indulging in my insanity to make this happen.  Check out her work and totally nab yourself a commission of your own Alistair-lounging-on-the-beach.


	2. Earlier That Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone asked about the milkshake comment Alistair makes in the beginning of the story, so I decided to add a little bit of a preface.

\- EARLIER THAT DAY -

Alistair propped his somewhat sunburnt elbow on the rolled down window of the car. He tapped his fingers on the outside door by the mirror as he scanned over the extensive drive-thru menu. With a selection in mind he looked to the petite woman buckled into the passenger’s seat beside him. She was trying to stare past him, eyes squinted slightly over the words and pictures. With absent fingers he reached over to fidget with the strap of her swimsuit top before she swatted his hand away.

“I’ll have a large chocolate milkshake,” she finally announced.

“A large?” he squawked. He glanced back at the menu a moment, reviewing the different options with example cups pictured in real life size.

“Yes.” A quizzical eyebrow lifted at him and alarms began to sound somewhere off in the distance. “What’s wrong with that?”

“Well, it’s just that…” He gestured towards the large cup on the board with hands miming out its approximate size and then gestured back to her. “A large is…”

The emotion drained from her face, her mouth falling open. “Alistair…”

He felt his blood chill as he was washed with memories from the Chantry church he was raised in. She looked just like one of the nuns before they reached for the ruler. He lifted a placating hand between them. “Now, no. No, that isn’t what I meant…”

“Alistair…” Her eyes grew bigger, a hand lifted to her chest as she pressed herself back into the seat of the car as if trying to escape him. “Are you trying to imply that I’m… that I’m fat?”

“Andraste’s mabari, no!” He gripped the steering wheel in a panic. The car in front of them sat at the order window and another pulled up behind them, making him feel even more trapped.

He turned back to her, trying to take deeps breaths and calm his thoughts that were a tumbleweed of thread. She stared at him for a long awkward minute before cracking. Laughter squealed from her and she pushed his shoulder with a gentle nudge.

“Not funny,” he grumbled between his teeth, crossing his arms and staring at the license plate of the car in front of them.

“You should have seen your face!” she wailed. Another fit of giggles forced her to curl up on herself before it was broken by a rather unladylike snort.

He flew back to her, eyes wide. She threw her hands up to cover her face, only horrified eyes peeking out over her fingertips. They stared at each other a moment.

“Did you just…”

“You didn’t hear anything!” She scowled at him and thumped a finger into his chest. “You forget… that… and I’ll forget you questioned my large milkshake.”

“Fine.” He scowled at her a moment before darting over to give her side a tickle; brief, because he already felt his life threatened enough that day.


End file.
